I Hugged Until I Couldn’t Anymore.
I’m a hugger. I like to hug. I typically, but not always, give a warning like, “I’m coming in for a hug.” There’s usually time for the huggee to get their arms up. But, again, not always. Sometimes it’s me hugging people the way a panda snuggles a bamboo tree. I rarely if ever hug total strangers but I often cuddle people who, until that point, I only knew online yet I feel like we’re besties. And they probably think, “This is the lady that I met on Twitter. Boy, she’s friendly. I bet the Coronavirus was hard on her.”
I wrote that last sentence as if the virus had run its course and I can hug with abandon again.
It hasn’t. So, I say to myself, “No hugging, Ann.” For now, I’m an at-home hugger. My daughter Meghan and my dog Peanut are the only recipients and only Peanut is happy about it. Meghan has had just about enough of me.
My neighbor, who I haven’t hugged in ages, is a mother of two boys and as I write this she is sitting in a teepee with her children. It looks like a sweet parenting moment but I’m betting it’s really a quaint tableau of fed-upedness. She was looking for something to do that didn’t contain the oft-uttered phrases, “No, you’ve had enough snacks, screen time, and/or please stop clearing your throat- today.” The moment she said, “Let’s go sit in the tee-pee,” she probably died a little inside and her own parents said, “Now, you understand, why we were tired.” by text, because that is how it is now.
The woman across the street said to me the other day, “You raked your grass clippings and put them in the wrong place.” Actually, she shouted it through her mask, across two sidewalks, a boulevard and a big street. To be fair, she probably wouldn’t have shouted it if I had been able to hug her.
But, I got the message: It’s hard to be mad at a virus. You can’t yell at it, even if you could see it. So, she yelled at my grass clippings instead.
This whole staying-away-from-people is irritating. I like people. But I’m staying home because, just in case I’m a no-card-carrying carrier of the nasty f****n’ virus, I don’t want to kill any of the people I like or might like when I meet them in the future. And if you think the virus is all a hoax, and we’re worrying over nothing, that’s fine…but just in case, I still won’t hug you).
With all this non-hugging time on my hands, I should be able to write like a mo-fo, fold the sweaters that are jammed on shelves, plant a garden. I’ve tried to do those things and I chip, chip, chip away while making sure I don’t touch anybody.
The problem is that I know people are suffering, and many in far, far worse ways than I am. Many are jobless, trapped with abusers, fearful, sick, desperate, broke. I feel powerless but I am also in solidarity. So many people are on the front lines in this viral war. My daughter is, in fact.
Besides staying home, besides, donating money, and not hugging you, the only thing I can do is to reach out with words. Words are my embrace. If you are reading this and suffering, this is me sending you a virtual hug.
That’s the entire point of this email. I hope you felt hugged, if you like that kind of thing, or at least a little less alone, because I wrote this for you.
Sending you a big virtual hug as well.
Thanks for the words of encouragement!
Your words are appreciated and feel like hugs of their own.
Thank you Pat. I write for replies like this.
Giant hug back at ya friend. I think a lot of people need hugs these days.
I KNOW, right??? I too, am a born & breed hugger and it is this warm, caring embrace that I grieve so much with this COVID-mindset.
Only a true hugger would understand.
I get ya, sister!
Wouldn’t it be a better world if everyone hugged more?
xoxxo. I see you too!! I think it would be better.
Thank you, ann
Rita,
xoxox
Looking forward to hugging you…eventually! DM
I need to get to Duluth!!
Thank you for the hug, Ann! Some day I hope to hug you back in person, but for now I send e-hugs. XOXO
Love this. So needed. Thank you!
You are so welcome!
**Hugs**
**Hugs** right back 🙂
Somehow, I am just reading this now. Feeling your hugs, virtually. They’re much needed, and I thank you.
You’re easy to hug.
I can not wait to meet you in person Betty. Until then. Hug accepted.
FYI: your words hit their mark, and I sincerely thank you.
I am so glad they did. 🙂
I’m a hugger too. Thank you for the virtues hug. Sending a hug back to you.
Hug accepted Paula!
Ann, I’m a hugger, too, and sending virtual hugs doesn’t make it for me, even though I keep doing it, just in case it helps the recipients. I feel as if I know you, and if I ever had the good fortune to meet you, I’d hug you for sure. Even for those who are inexpressibly lucky during this pandemic because we have what we need materially and (mostly) mentally, and we’re safe and healthy, the lack of human contact is corrosive. It’s a real human need to see, be near, hold, embrace others. I worry most about my friends who are widows or who live alone. Maybe some of your many readers fit that category. So, thank you for your laughs and hugs. Back to you.
Alice, What a perfect letter. Thank you.
I agree, it’s corrosive.
Big future hugs for us.
A
Another hugger here. Returning your hug! Thanks for your words too.
Thanks Sherrey. 🙂 so much.
As I used to say to my daughter when she was in college at UW-Madison, “consider yourself hugged!” Virtual hugs are nowhere as good as the real thing, but they’ll have to do for now. 🙁
For now….
But it’s hard without the real thing. 🙂
I loved the hug! Four months of no one and my 2 dogs is rough and don’t get me wrong I adore my dogs. I read and putter mostly and once in awhile brave my way to the store- fully masked. I miss my friends and family and talking to strangers in the store.
Oh Pam, it’s so hard to be alone. I’m glad you read this. It makes me feel less alone.
I’m with you.
A
I miss you, Ann. I hope you’re well. This made me smile….
Come to Madison and sit with me! Not kidding.
I too am a hugger. Sadly hubby is not. But I have a cousin, a friend, and a niece who hug still. So that helps.
Words just don’t do it do they?…lol
Prayers.
I ride with hubby in semi, home on weekends. Email and Facebook keep me connected. God bless
God bless to you too Mary 🙂
Hey Ann, I love this! I’m a hugger, too and I find I’m spending more time on the phone or video calls than I ever did before. Virtually hugging my family and friends. We all wish things were different. But like you said, it’s hard to be mad at a virus.
Wishing we could hug,
Tracey
Me too – on phone and video so much more 🙂
Consider yourself hugged.
Oh, Ann. How I could use a real hug today…
Thank you for your essay.
Same Ekta, same. 🙂 e-hug to you.
Thank you for the hugs! Please stay safe and healthy. The world needs you.
What a compliment. Thank you Bill.
Thanks for the hug. I needed that. Now I can carry on.
Carry on. Duly hugged.
Hello Ann,
I’m wrapping myself in your words of hug and sending hugs back all around. Once again, the universe has guided us to share a much needed smile. Glad to see you are well.
I love the universe, Glenda. I love it so much.
xoxo A
A air hug to you. I love hugging also. I have 3 kids to keep me hugging and 2 grandkids, lots of hugs there.
But I miss hugging 9ther people.
Linda,
air hug right back at you.
xoxo Ann
It has been extraordinarily hard to be away from friends and family. I miss giving and receiving hugs…you know, the warm, and authentic “Gosh I’ve missed you!” hugs. The ache is real
I hope to meet you in person someday, Ann. You’re a true inspiration. Until then, I send you the only hug I can…for now
I hope we meet in person too. I could also use a hug. Thank you for this.
xoxo Ann
For some people I am a hugger. Otherwise I need my bubble of safety. But, this today? Exactly what I needed! It helps me to remember that some people are yelling about grass clippings because other things are hurting them. Thank you!
Oh I’m so glad. You are so very welcome. Thank for writing!
I seem to be thriving during lock down. Well, we aren’t exactly locked down. I can go out and eat in an out door dining area of a restaurants, shop for groceries or gardening supplies. I can even go to my gym and do water walking in the outside recreation pool. They have it roped off for social distancing and it can accommodate six senior from 10am to 11am. I just have to be the first to sign up before all of the slots are gone. My hard is looking better and better. It had gotten away from me so I have been spending the last three months reclaiming it. Overgrown rose bushes are being pruned back, weeds are being removed from between the bricks in the patio and I’ve planted four blueberry bushes in large pots between the benches around my fountain that is now clean. I need to replace the pump to get it working again. I am replanting the hanging baskets under the pergola with fuchsias and today just finished covering it with shade cloth. If I could I would never leave the house except to do a wellness check on my parents and take the dogs to the dog park once a week. But today I wanted cereal and the milk is bad. If I had a cow and chickens I might not ever leave the house. As for hugs, Diana pawPrints has a high degree of skin hunger so if I’m sitting in the yard, she will always come by, stop in front of me and lean in for a few minutes of hugs, rubs and pets. No complaints from her. But sheltering in place is actually harder on her as she is a social butterfly and loves meeting people. I will give her a hug from you.
Lovely letter, thank you so much for taking the time. Yes, please hand out hugs from me.
skin hunger. I love it. Your little world sounds amazing.
A nice letter, a good belly laugh or a heartfelt smile (seen through a face mask) has become a close second to a good hug. Thankful I have three little ones to hug the crud out of.
Enjoying your letter.
Hugs and smiles!
Just exactly what I was going for.
Hug the crud out of them for me please.
A
I’m hugging you right back, Ann. I do miss being able to hug randomly — well, not random strangers, but…you know.
I’m a quilter, and I have plenty of fabrics to make masks, but making masks depresses me. I know they’re helpful, and pretty, and the recipients are grateful, but they’re so depressing. So I knock one out every few days, then try to pick up the quilting project I put aside. Not so easy, as it turns out.
Now, I look forward to being able to sew with my friends again, getting inspiration, hugs and, most important, big belly laughs from them. It’s the best I can do for now: look forward.
That’s the first time I’ve heard that making masks is depressing BUT I BET IT IS!!!
How could it not be?
I can’t wait to say hello in person as well.
Look forward. 🙂
Oh, Ann, your sweet words filled me with joy. As a hugger and a hand shaker; these are quaint, innocent habits that I miss even more than I HATE wearing a mask (that’s enormously large, I assure you). Consider yourself bear-hugged!
I consider my self hugged!! Thank you 🙂
Sending hugs back to you, as well, Ann! Can’t wait to actually be able to run into you at a conference or workshop again and do it for real. Feel free to give Peanut hugs from me, so you can get extras in, and thanks for the humor/smiles. Man, that’s needed these days.
Right? I need people, conferences, workshop. Our last time together was MORE than a year ago. UGH.
Peanut says thanks. 🙂
Thank you for the next-best-thing—a *virtual hug. You’re so sweet and the teepee part cracked me up!! Virtual hug right back at you!
I’m so glad. This post was easy to write, right down to the teepee
So true. A virtual hug means someone cares, but it doesn’t equate to the real thing. I have already forewarned my son that he may have to bail me out of jail once the pandemic is over. The charge: excessive and indiscriminate hugging.
hahaha That’s so true!! hahaha that made me laugh
Thanks for the hug Ann – I really needed it today!
My pleasure, Susan. Any time!
I never knew how much I would miss hugs until they were off the table.
Right?? It’s so true. Some day I will hug you again Carina.
Sometimes we don’t know what we like doing until we can’t do it anymore. That’s what I realized about hugging. Love the way you infuse cheer into everything you write. This message brought a smile to my afternoon. Have a wonderful day, Ann!
Boy, that is the truth. I definitely feel that way.
Such a great compliment. Thank you so much.
A
Virtual hug right back at you, Ann! 🙂
Oh Katie, thank you. 🙂
I miss your hugs; thanks for the virtual one! Be well, my friend! xoxo
Sending you a huge hug! Two or three if you need them. I do.
I finally, holds head in shame, read: *I Like You Just Fine When You’re Not Around*. Loved it! A lot!
This girl loves hugging too so here’s a BIG virtual hug just for you! Thanks for the hugs you sent my way.
Thanks for the virtual hug; I’m sending one back. This whole lack-of-physical-contact thing is weird, isn’t it? I’ve resorted to checking out the hygiene practices of local spas to see if a massage is safe, because my fam has had quite enough of me, thanks. Also, I’m bummed not to meet you in person at WDC this summer. I was looking forward to buying you a beer. Some other time, then…
Love your sense of humor! Virtual hug! Stay well and thanks to your daughter. I hope she stays healthy, as well.
Yes, I felt the hug. Virtual hug right back at you! And — that you can care for your ex, your daughters’ father, yay for you. All I can say is Thank God for Peanut!
I will echo….THANK GOD FOR PEANUT. He’s on my lap right now.
The first time I met my son’s mother-in-law, I grabbed her for a hug and she said, “oh, we’ve got a hugger here.” A rocky start, but I love her to death. And since this f***ing virus I have gotten better with wordy embraces. Thank you for yours and backatcha!!
hahaha
wordy embraces. Perfect.
Thank you right back.