Where do you get your ideas? It’s come to my attention lately that people are concerned about me. The concern isn’t health-related—my body is the best thing I’ve ever gotten for free. Occasionally, however, I do joke about my relationship status and I realize they are concerned because I’m single. I often regale listeners with…
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I’d like to introduce you to some wonderful women. But first, a story. Erma Bombeck spoke at my college graduation. This is how her speech began. “Hello. I know you’re nervous about school ending and are filled with anticipation for the future and grief for leaving behind your loved ones. I know you’re worried you…
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The Soft Animal Of Your Body, I don’t go on vacation. I often joke about it and say, “I don’t know how not to work.” My parents straddled the silent and boomer generation–traditionalists who valued hard work, frugality, and discipline. I watched and learned, my friends. I’m an excellent student. When I went from married…
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Sneak Peek expires in one week. THERE’S NO COMING BACK FROM THIS. CHAPTER ONE: The Last Tug On A String I half-jogged, half-walked to catch up with my seventeen-year-old daughter, Robyn, at Chicago O’Hare Airport and all I could think about was how a person can disappear from their own life and not even know…
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What Does Dead Dad Think Now? Fred Wertz, my dad, picked up every penny he saw during his daily walks. At a nimble eighty-six he’d swoop down mid-sentence and scoop up a penny, barely breaking the cadence of his step. If he walked without me my father would call to chat and report his found…
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How a Slugfest Became a Lovefest You either love me or hate me. There’s no in-between. I’m not an in-between kind of person. I’m noisy and laugh too loudly. I’m jokey, and I tear up easily. I can be unconventional. But I’m a tender-hearted soul and I have a story to tell you about love…
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A Free Nutrition Book For Writers: Because butts in chairs are hard on hearts and butts. Instructions: Open up a new text on your phone In the To: section type the number 66866 In the text message area type garvin You will get a message from me Next, Put Your email in! You will receive…
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What’s the difference between moving on and letting go? Oof, this is a biggie. Because I just did both and we need to talk about it. You might have feelings about what I let go of–I’d love to hear what you’ve let go of lately. I woke up on the morning of January 9th of…
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Chapter One Hear Me Out (*Catch-up Here) Heather’s best friend Chelsea was a bloodhound for plot holes, fallacies, and faulty arguments. She could sniff out a rationalization before Heather could order a cold brew, throw it back, and formulate a rebuttal. Heather arrived early for their lunch date, sipping coffee and going over her talking…
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Today I’m feeling a little sad for men. [Tweet “Today I’m feeling a little sad for men. Hear me out”] I admit I have taken my fair share of swipes at men over the years. I almost can’t help myself. Men are the low-hanging fruit of humor, mostly because they are so consistent. For example,…
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