5 Ways To Spend Less Time With People Who Annoy You (because if you do these things you won’t need a 6th way).

*this was originally published at Happily Ever After USAtoday.com

I just spent the weekend in fundraising activities with my ex-husband. In short exposures this has been a fine thing to do. Enjoyable even. I always liked my ex. He is smart, funny, we have a lot in common, and he still makes me laugh. Sometimes, I even look at him and wonder what went wrong.

In the midst of the fundraising, he saw the title of my new book, I Like You Just Fine When You’re Not Around and said,

“Honestly Ann, is any book you write not about me? I should get a percentage of royalties.”

The happily ever after music receded something by Adele replaced it, slow and on repeat reminding me all too well. Yeah, I liked him a lot but mostly when he wasn’t around.

So here’s some advice from someone who had to get a lawyer involved to spend less time with the person who annoyed me so take this for what it’s worth.

Number One:

Take a very deep breath, exhale slowly and do not hit them. Hitting is against the law. It’s called assault and people will press charges. If you hit them you will have to get a lawyer (No that’s not what happened in my situation. It isn’t. Seriously. Okay, but not with my hand. Just kidding. Really).

Number Two:

Unfriend them on Facebook. I mean if you live with them it’s nothing more than a political, passive aggressive statement but it still feels really good. Like amazing. And, you can un-friend, friend and un-friend again. All. Damn. Day.

Number Three:

When they say something annoying pretend you didn’t hear them and say, “What?” But to make this work you have to adopt a super serious, sincere face. Like a totally, I’m fantastically interested in what you are saying, but I just didn’t hear you. Then when he/she repeats it say, “What?” two more times.

Number Four:

When they aren’t looking, and you have access to their glasses, smear peanut butter on the lenses. I heard this works but I’ve never tried it. Be sure they are not allergic to tree nuts (see number one). Okay I tried it once. It works. I’m divorced.

Number Five:

This last one requires no words but some mime experience. When the annoyster says the annoying thing square your shoulders and take the stance of a fourteen-year-old boy. Turn your fist out and up and with the other hand make a cranking motion and crank your middle finger. Fly that bird and walk away.

I guarantee these things will get you less time with annoying people. Stay tuned next week for a conversation on how to choose the best divorce lawyer for you in five easy steps.

Interested in the manual? Here it is–I Like You Just Fine When You’re Not Around

Amazon – http://amzn.to/21hcfGP

B&N – http://bit.ly/1SMMdrH

BAM – http://bit.ly/1N2QgB0

Indiebound – http://bit.ly/1S2FfhN

Want to figure out which character you are in the book? Here you go: https://www.boombox.com/c/quiz/133864/3868db42-a663-4969-857e-87ae1a0bb8df

*this was originally published at Happily Ever After USAtoday.com

annoy, annoy, annoy